Tim Chase

All my favorite writers

Contemplation

Describing the reality of being pulled apart without being put back together I label as stressed.  I was disgusted with the negative results from other people’s decisions and work I decided to sit outside lighting a fire deep in the woods.  The phrase going it alone left me as an outcast of the outcasts but it didn’t matter because I felt confident with my choice.  After gathering a good amount of tinder and lighting gathered leaves I grabbed a nearby log to sit on.  When the flames flickered to life at first there were short pops and fizzes until the heat took over the existing moisture in the wood. Accompanying the growing flames was the internal presence of manliness along with the reasons for my departure from the group.  I knew my work ethic and agreed with the way I do things. On that particular day I decided that I needed to be alone to regain a sense of focus.  Years prior I had some difficulty with confidence and personal identity.  I grew up the youngest in my family and then I was the smallest in a group.  While no one else afforded me special recognition it was decided that I need to value myself above others.  I picked up the philosophy that if I didn’t work to build up myself then I would always be on the bottom rung regardless of my social or monetary position in life.

An outsiders perspective at that moment I might have seemed aloof because I verbalized my thoughts as they came to the surface.  Self-talking out loud was a concept that I had read about some time ago as a form of therapy toward conflict resolution with one’s problems.  Along with me I brought a small cage with my pet chipmunk that I had rescued after it was attacked by a black cat.  I kept her for a little over a year and in that time she was my closest friend and grew to be plump and comfortable in her own little world.  There were many nights where she was nestled in her slumber in her cage beside my computer and desk light.  She had built up a small mound of almonds storing them in empty boxes of tea.  It was still warm well into the month of October and I decided that it was time that I released her back into the wild.  Nearby chirps of other chipmunks was heard along with the scatter of leaves the back and forth movement as they ran around and up trees.  I held her cupped in my palm and said my goodbyes before releasing her to which she ran quickly into the unseen distance.  Momentary sorrow faded though I really had grown attached to my familiar.  I focused on the flames took off my shoes and socks grinding my feet into the moist soft soil.  I began to get a feel for my surroundings and rubbed my hands along my jeans before balling my hands into fists resting them on opposite knees.
Solidity was something that I needed quiet time in nature with the warmth of fire gave me that.  I realized that not necessarily running off but doing things on my own wouldn’t gain me popularity with the others. 

Particularly on this occasion after releasing my chipmunk into the wilderness I had a moment of clarity.  Strength is a word that I cherish often it is subjective being confined to physical limits.  There is no doubting that I have found that taking care of my own physical health has strengthened most other areas as well.  The old biblical lesson that “your body is your temple” was something that I never forgot.  Some of the people that I disagree with avoid any form of physical labor while others like to domineer in possessing a superior skill or bully because their bigger.  I placed a handful of leaves into the fire causing temporary smoke then added a couple of sticks.  A few minutes later I put my hand in my pocket bringing out a bag of dried sage leaves.  There was a bottle of water beside a nearby tree along with an empty can of beans from one of my previous campfires. I grow herbs sage being one of the few that I use the dried leaves to make tea with.  Soon I had a hot can of sage tea and I had sat back down on the log.  There was a couple of chipmunk’s not that far from me and I wondered if one of them was my chipmunk that I had just released.  I questioned whether I should have let her go but seeing how happy the chipmunks seemed running in the woods along with the warm weather I was comfortable with my decision.  One of the things that I have come to terms with is that I am not the most skilled of all people.

Having the strength to admit one’s own limitation I consider a virtue.  What I have the ability to do I do it well and I always worked hard and I’m always eager to learn.  There have been many people that have been successful beyond that average persons imagination that have been semi skilled at one thing or another.  Creativity is one of god’s greatest gifts to humanity I’m revolted when there is a lack of that kind of energy.  Mental strength is a term defined to me once by a surgeon.  He gave me a parallel to compare exactly what he determined to be mental strength.  For the sake of tact I wont explain the kind of person that he said lacks that acquired discipline.  The surgeon said that it isn’t something that he was born with rather that it was a discipline that through much pain and hard worked effort he acquired a level that he was comfortable with.  He attributed his own form of mental strength as a reason for his successful surgical outcomes.  Admitting that there are times during surgical procedures when there will be high pressure situations that require mental strength to maintain control and a lack of that can lead to devastating results.  I recognize that we are only human and as humans we fail working on our shortfalls allows us to become stronger as individuals. Alone in the woods with a fire lit deep in thought I cast aside my personal dislikes that I had with that surgeon trying to focus on thoughts that gave me the strength to reign in my frayed sense of self. 
 

Sitting outside alone I was grateful for this particular day.  For some reason releasing my chipmunk into the wilderness sitting by a fire deep in thought I felt like I had accomplished something.  The only other thing that I could compare this day to was when I was young and would attend church.  Often I would sit beside a girl that I flirted with sang church songs listening to a sermon that left me feeling good about myself full of faith.  The difference was that I was by myself deep in the woods sitting by a fire drinking sage tea contemplating.  They were not so closely related however being that I was talking to myself I easily related how I felt.  Holding a stick I poked around the embers bringing the flames back to life then took a look around.  There was a lesson that I remember from a more experienced co-worker.  The advice was this, “When I want to get a measure of someone I take a good look into their eyes.”  Not being a novice I agreed with the exception that long eye to eye stare downs could be read many ways and also be intrusive. Insecurity often makes a person fear eye contact.  When I was young I had that problem and when I had issues with dependency I found that I didn’t want to make eye contact with others and more importantly myself.  A person that took effort to train me well when I was young and learning a trade told me that he could always tell how a person was by the way that they worked.  Being and outsider of the outsiders had its benefits.  The pains of rejection isn’t fun sometimes the scorn of others is unbearable.  A day like this one left me reinvigorated pulling back in the reigns of the mental horses that went separate ways.  After the tinder turned to ash I took that last sip of the sage tea put the empty water bottle inside of the can dropping it on the side of the tree where I left it.  I cleaned off my feet put my socks and shoes on picked up my former chipmunk’s cage then began to walk out of the deep of the wooded area.

Crabs In A Bucket

Beach bums thats what she called us as we walked along Long sands beach York Beach Maine.  I wore sandals and she wore flip-flops removing them while walking holding our foot wear in our hands.  Low tide brought a drastic change between water and beach area.  Draggers hadn’t combed the sand of debris brought in from the last high tide leaving sporadic clumps of seaweed.  We were walking looking for sand dollars.  “When I was young my grandfather used to bring me here and we would look for sand dollars they would be scattered around everywhere,” She told me. I continued looking lifting up seaweed searching around the wet clay sand. Walking ahead of me she found a sand dollar first picked it up and I found several immediately after.  They were decent sized and were like something that I would have bought at a souvenir shop. “These are small” she told me  “They look normal to me” I replied.  “No, I know what I’m talking about when my grandfather and I would come here the sand dollars would be huge and there would be lots of them.”  We walked further along the beach.  The clay was smooth with some water worn rocks and boulders popping through the surface of the uncovered area. 

On the sandy horizon small puddles shimmered with the reflection of the sun.  In the far distance there were the rock barriers and retaining walls that lead to large vacation homes and mansions.  I took a few steps in front of her and found a starfish on the ground.  I picked it up and it was limp but living.  Without telling her what I found I started to walk toward the water.  “Where are you going?”  I turned around showing her what I had found.  “I found a starfish it’s still living, I’m going to put it back into the water.” She looked at me skeptically, “Why don’t you keep it, we can dry it out and use it as a decoration.”  I shook my head, “No, we have several sand dollars I’ll call this my good deed for the day.”  She shook her head comically, “Your so stupid.  What does it matter if you keep it or put it back in the water?”  “It matters to this one.” I told her before walking into the water chest deep then released the starfish.  She stood in the distance waiting for me and when I reached her she had a smile on her face, “Your all wet.”  “I feel better about myself” I gave her a kiss on the lips proud of myself.  “I think that it will bring good luck back to us.” We walked further along the beach where she noticed two dried starfish side by side.  She picked them up and smiled like a giddy child.  “What did I just tell you?” I said to her.  She put the starfish in the back of her khaki short pockets reached for my hand and I led her to the edge of the water.  We stood were the tide was coming in with the water covering us past our ankles.  Slowly the sand erosion started to sink our feet in the sand. 

I looked to her smiling, “I used to do this when I was a kid.”  She leaned her head on my shoulder and we stood there for several minutes.  It was mid morning and the weather was warm and sunny.  The Maine waters were tolerably cold.  We arrived there to spend the Fourth of July week in the York beach and surrounding area.  When we walked to our car we placed our starfish and sand dollars in the console of the vehicle. “Where to now?”  “Union Bluff I want to have lobsters and steamers while I am here.”  She told me before grabbing my hand and giving me a kiss on the lips. 

Later that afternoon we were in our hotel apartment putting away the things that we had bought during the day along with a couple of bottles of wine for later that evening.  We were going to be meeting up with her aunt and uncle at a restaurant in Ogunquit for dinner.  “There’s supposed to be karaoke at the restaurant today.”  I said to her.  She shook her head in semi disgust, “You better not! You’ll make me throw up.”  “Is it because the last time?”  I said before laughing.  “I don’t like it because all you want to do is sing and then you were pointing at me and yelling “I’m looking at you beautiful blonde in the front row.  It was embarrassing.”  I laughed.  “Really?  I thought that was the best part.”  We relaxed for a while later changing making our way to Ogunquit roughly a half hour driving distance away.

 

Fishing During Summer

Fishing During Summer

“Don’t use the rusty hook.” The grandfather snapped to his 13 year old grandson, as he cast his line out with a jerk and lost his squid that he used for bait.  “If you look a little over to the side of the tackle, you’ll see the good ones. Bring one here to me and I’ll attach it for you.”  The young teen that his grandfather always called boy, quick in his youth spotted what his grandfather instructed him to see and promptly brought it to him.  They were fishing along the rocky shore of Beavertail park in Jamestown, Rhode Island. 

“Ok boy, here’s the trick with casting your line out far.  It’s not so much in the power of bringing the rod quickly over your shoulder as with having a quick flick of the wrist.”  “Ok pepere (pronounced pep-ay).”  “Remember when I showed you how to sharpen a knife against a steel?  At first you kept your arm still grinding the blade against the steel, and then I showed you how to soften your posture and just keep the motion with your wrist, not using your elbow. It made a sharp edge didn’t it?”  The boy nodded to affirm yes. “Well, it’s the same here just a bit different.  It’s kind of like swinging a baseball bat.  You use a quick twitch of the wrist at the end.”  The grandfather took a step back and watched his grandson cast the line into the water.  “Did you see that?  That’s what I’m talking about boy!”  “I do see pepere it is like swinging a baseball bat.”  “Ok let the line stay there a bit and reel it in slowly, if there’s fish around they’ll bite, just to don’t reel it in quickly, let the current take it.”  “Ok, I got it. Hey pep!” “Yes boy”  “Did you and dad come here when he was my age?”

“Sometimes!”  The old man slumped his shoulders downward. It was 4 years since the boy’s father passed and there wasn’t much talk about him at all.  “Your dad wasn’t really like how we are, we, well we are two of a kind.  Your dad was a different sort of person and he wasn’t worse off for it, he was just different.”  He quickly changed the subject. “You, You stick with me kid and I’ll put your name in lights.”  The old man was full of cliché’s and one liner’s that he would randomly say to his grandson.  “Yeah, mom always says that I’m a lot like you.”  There were a few minutes of silence as the old man rebated his line and cast it out again. 
“Hey boy, want a soda?” “Yeah, can I have a cola?”  “That’s all I have!  I’ll drink the diet and you drink the regular.”  A few minutes went by and the boy noticed a bite on his line.  “Pep, I think I got a fish.”  The fishing pole bent and the boy took a step back and strained to reel the line.  “Good boy!  Don’t reel it in if it’s too hard to reel boy!  It’s a strong line; the fish will tire and then reel it in.”  The grandfather was observing the direction of the line to try to see what his grandson had caught as well as the strength of the tug to gauge the size of the fish. 

Typically the old man would catch scup, smaller striped bass, tautog, blue fish net some crab and little else.  A year ago he had heart surgery, sold his boat and started casting off of the rocks.  He was happy with what he got, including the time to do it.  “Notice how the line is going against the current?  That means the fish is trying to swim into deeper water. Just hold the line and don’t budge.  If it’s too much let me know and I will reel it in for you.”  “No pepere, it’s mine I want to do it.”  The boy noticed the line starting change directions and go along with the current.  He started to reel in the line still struggling but gaining ground. The fish began to surface. “Well I’ll be, boy you got yourself a cod and a good size one too!  I’ve never caught one here!  Your good luck I’ll say.”  With that the young teen began to smile and reel in the line enthusiastically.  “Yup it’s a cod fish, and it could be more than 20 lbs. That’s the biggest fish that I’ve ever seen caught here from the rocks.”  The grandfather took over to pull the fish up out of the water.  The boy grabbed his camera and took a few pictures of his grandfather taking the fish out of the water from the drop of the rocks.  He noticed how the fish had sharp teeth and winced at the thought of getting his hand caught in its mouth. 

Nearby, 3 Asian fishermen were walking past them with fishing poles and tackle.  They were wearing black trash bags around their body with holes for their arms and head, and were also wearing round wicker hats.  It reminded the old man of his time serving in the Vietnam War.  For a long time he held a strong resentment for anything Asian, but as the years aged him he began to soften his stance slightly. 

“What you catch?  It big fish.” One of the fishermen said.  “Cod” the old man replied and the young teen smiled with glee trying to hold the fish that his grandfather just clubbed to death.  “Hey, do you want the head and tail?” The old man called over to the other fishermen as they were walking past. “Yeah sure.”  With that the old man pulled out a small cutting board and lopped off the fish head and tail put it in a plastic bag and handed it over.  The passing fishermen took the fish parts said thank you and continued along the way. 

“It’s a good thing I took a picture first pepere.  Why did you give them the head and tail?”  “I don’t know boy, seemed like something nice to do, besides they use weird things like that.”  “What can you do with a fish head and tail?” The boy curiously asked. “Beats me son, if I had a lot of them I’d have them ground up and use it as fertilizer.  They’ll probably put it in soup or use it for bait.” With a wink and smile the old man said,” but probably for food ha ha!”  “Your bad pepere.” “Yeah, but only a little.”  With a little bit more seriousness the old man continued.  “You know I might make a remark, but when It comes down to it, I’ll be there to the end.  When you get old and I pray that you never have to experience what I have, but if you remember me you will appreciate how I allow my best side to shine through the ugly.  Sometimes, good men make mistakes, but character is defined by what you do next.”  “Pep, that character part is from my John Madden football game.”  “Yeah I heard that when I was watching you play your video game, but it’s true. Never be afraid to learn something new.  I’m sure that I’ll even learn something new from you today.  Now, golden boy bait up your line and cast it out again.”  

The old man and the boy turned again to catch a glimpse of the somewhat distant fishermen.  “What are they doing up there on the cliff Pep? It looks dangerous.”  “It is, I’ve been there before.  I call it the Ho Chi Minh trail (smirks).”  “Oh, Whats a Ho Chi Minh trail?”  “It was something from Vietnam.  I was just making a joke boy! Where they are following is a muddy narrow path that leads to the other side of the rocks.”  As he pointed the other fishermen made their pass and began to proceed to the rocks on the other side.  “The water is deeper over there and no one else will bother them while they are fishing.” 

The boy then changed subjects feeling guilty.  “You know pep, I had a girlfriend this year and she’s half-asian, but she’s American.” Sensing the sensitivity of his grandson he decided to go along with it. “Oh yeah, is she pretty?”  “I think she was real pretty, I liked her a lot.” “Liked? What happened?”  “She moved to a different town because her parents opened a store and bought a house.”  “Good for them! What’s her name?”  “Edith!”  “Well, I’m sure that you two will meet again someday.  The mind forgets but the heart never does! I’m glad that you don’t have the same grudges that I have.  Anyway, cast your line out and show me it wasn’t just luck.”  They both recast their lines into the water. 

Some time passed by while the grandfather, son duo held the line with little bites and not much else.  They both drank their sodas and sat in silence.  A light sprinkle started to come down from the sky.  “Want to call it a day?”  The old man said as he nudged his grandson with his elbow.  “No, it’s nice outside and I want to catch another fish.”  “Seems good to me, I don’t mind the rain.”  “Me too but pep, maybe I shoulda brought a trash bag like those people did!”  With that the old man laughed “I wouldn’t go that far boy, but now that you think of it, they don’t seem so weird now do they?”  “That hat is weird, but the other part is like the ponchos that we wear at the baseball games.”  “Pretty much.”

The rain got heavier and then began to let up as the grandfather recast his line out in to the water, “So, how did you do this year in school? Your mom said that you joined a few clubs.”  “I did good! I mean I could have done better, but I guess I didn’t study enough.  I made honors one quarter but didn’t do so good in math the rest of the year.  I got A’s in social studies all year though.”  “Math, well if it’s one subject that I’d struggle with it would be math.  You’re a smart boy you can learn anything, it’ll just take work.  It was a long time ago but when I finally went to college, I studied math tables to help with learning faster.  I still have them.  They’re just multiplication, division and simple algebraic equations, but they’re good to know.  I’ll help you memorize them,  and then watch how easy it is to learn the rest.”  “It seems boring.”  “I’ll give you fifty dollars.”  “I’ll do it!”  The boy clasped both hands together in a grinding fashion. “There’s always incentive when money is involved.”  The grandfather then commented.

The boy noticed a bite on his line.“Hey Pepere, I got another one.”  “How the? What are you baiting with boy?”The grandfather said comically.  This time the boy followed the current of the line and slowly but surely reeled in the line.  The grandfather stroked his chin and let a hmm and hum slip from his lips.  Scratching his head, he said, “Fluke, you got a fluke!  How the hell did you catch a fluke in these parts?”  The boy smiled and shrugged his shoulders not thinking anything about the catch. 
“This time we keep the head and tail.”  The boy said with sarcasm.  The duo both eyed each other and laughed.  The grandfather took the vertical flat fish off of the line and placed it in his cooler full of ice.  “Keep on doing this and we’ll have no more room, we’ll be selling fish to the locals.”  The old man grabbed his fishing net and looked to his grandson.  “Hey, stay here cast out your line again.  I’m going to go down to the shore right over there.” Pointing to the shore line section 30 feet below the muddy trail the other fishermen traveled. “I usually net some green crabs there.  Wish me luck.”

The old man began his walk along the rocks following a semi steep decline toward the shore line.  It’s still high tide he said to himself.  Normally, he would search for crabs at low tide.  It’s a little more dangerous but it’s worth a try.  He reached the water and began his search for crabs.  He was in familiar ground with big rock cliffs on both sides and crab filled water and plant life in the middle.  During the low tide most of the area could be traveled without being in a strong current and also walk a good distance before having to swim.  Speaking to himself he said “Well they say that swimming is good for the blood pressure. Wait, I think that I see a few crabs around the sea weed in my normal spot.” Meanwhile, the boy kept fishing and some time had passed and finally he had another bite on his fishing line.  I sure am going to tease Pep the boy thought.  Though the boy was entering his teenage years, he always felt like a child when he was around his grandfather.  Pepere has to be the biggest person I know he thought.  He often bragged about his grandfather to his friends and teachers in school.  His focus came back to reeling in the fish.  Just like his grandfather told him earlier in the day he followed the line.This time the pull wasn’t as great as with the other two fish had.  He reeled in the line with ease.  It was a smaller fish with a big mouth and stripped along its sides.

Copying his grandfather he unhooked the fish and took the baton stick that was on the side of the cooler and smacked the fish on top of the head, killing it.  He then placed the fish inside of the cooler with the other two.  Happy as he’s ever been he decided to take a break from fishing and peer over down into the water.  It had been some time since his grandfather went looking for crabs.  The boy didn’t know how long it took or where to look.  He just knew the area that his grandfather was netting them.

It seemed odd to the boy because he couldn’t see his grandfather.  “Pep, Pepere” the boy started yelling with the hope of receiving a response.  He gave it for what seemed a minute for an answer.  He felt a twinge of panic and instinctively started to look for a way to go down the steep incline toward the water.Time slowed for what felt like eternity as he looked for a path to find his way down.  His breathing began to quicken and his head started to lighten.  He felt his heart pound through his chest though he had only the feeling to go on and no response to fill the ominous silence of the air. 

The boy finally reached the shoreline and it was only a narrow stretch of beach surface.  He frantically looked both sides and couldn’t see anything.  There was so much seaweed in the water and plant like things growing and attached to everything and flowing back and forth.  All the while he was yelling for his grandfather as he was crying in panic.  The panoramic heaviness of the situation surrounded him like a dizzying carousel.  Then he saw something that seemed like a head toward one of the sides in the gorge.
There was one thing that the boy was good at and it was swimming.  He cast all fears aside and prayed to god that it wasn’t his grandfather and that everything was ok.  He prayed with all of his might, he prayed and made promises about things like not swearing at his mother when she left the room or eating parts of potato chips and putting them back in the bag.  He swam quickly into the strong currents and muscled his way to the floating body that was his grandfather. 

Fighting tears and fear he grabbed his grandfather’s lifeless body and wrapped one of his arms around his grandfather’s neck.  He started to swim toward shore.  As he tried he noticed that his grandfather had a foot caught in the sea weed and plant life, and had the fish net tangled in one of his arms with a bunch of crabs caught in the net. Quickly the boy went down and untangled his grandfather’s foot, resurfaced and wrapped an arm around his grandfather’s neck, then finally began to gain ground toward the shoreline. 
Dear lord, please make my pepere not be dead, please god, please.  Buoyed by the salty sea water he in what would have been record time for him reached the shoreline and dragged his grandfather to the sand.  On instinct he grabbed the fishnet full of crabs and threw it as far as he could.  Remembering his lessons from health class, he quickly started C.P.R in which he was certified for just 2 months ago. 

He started chest compressions and water was flowing from his grandfather’s lungs and out of his mouth.  1-2-3-4-5 and then started two large air filled mouth to mouth resuscitations.  1-2-3-4-5 in chest compressions and two more air filled resuscitations.  There was no response.  Surprisingly, the boy found the strength to hold back the tears and keep his composure.  The reality started to sink in and he remembered the feeling.  Though much younger, he remembered the familiar feeling that he had when his father passed away from cancer 4 years ago. 
“No, he’s not dead, I won’t let pepere die!,” The boy growled.  He began chest compressions again.  Meanwhile, the boy was praying to god the whole time.  Out of frustration he screamed and slammed both fist against his grandfather’s chest.  The time span from finding his grandfather till this point was within a 5 minute stretch but living in real time felt like hours.As he was about to start compressions again and he heard a single gurgle.  His grandfather’s lifeless body spontaneously started to come back to life starting with a choke. 

The quick thinking boy leveraged his grandfather with all of his strength to prop him up on his side.  Just then a little bit of water came out of his mouth, and was followed by gasps for air. During this time the Asian fishermen that they had encountered earlier in the day were hovering above on the cliff looking down.  “Everything ok, you need help?”  The old man began to feel the blood rush back to his lifeless body and summoned the strength to wave his hand across saying “NO!”  “Ok” one of them said and the fishermen continued toward the parking area with a look of concern on their faces. 

The boy began to calm down and stopped crying, but thanking god in prayer.  After a couple of minutes the old man taking many breaths sat up and said simply, “Where’s my crabs?”  The boy laughed.  The boy quickly ran over to where he threw the fish net that tangled with his toss and had trapped in the crabs.  ”Here they are pepere.”  “Well, at least I got something for all of my troubles.  I knew I wasn’t leaving empty handed.  I’ll be damned if I let a crab do me in.  The high rip tide and sea plant tangles on the other hand; that’s something different.  You know you’re my hero boy!  You saved my life.”
 

“Are you ok pepere?”  “I think so, I feel a little bit weak but I think I’m ok.”  “What happened?”  “I went in my usual spots looking for crab, and the tide was higher than normal, but I found them.  I was doing good in netting them and was almost done.  Then a big wave came in and the rip tide dragged me out a bit and I smacked my head on a rock.  I tried to pop back up by my foot caught some seaweed and one of my arms got tangled in the fish net.  I vaguely remember feeling something grab my neck and I think it was you, but I was out of it by then.  Let me tell you something!”  He placed a hand on his grandsons shoulder shaking him slightly.  “There was someone watching over me because another minute out there I wouldn’t have made it. You’re my hero boy!” “Hey pep!” The boy said while smiling. The grandfather looked over to his grandson with pride, “I’m listening!” “I caught another fish.”

Podcast Disclaimer

Throw Me Down The Stairs My Keys

It was the late 1980’s and times were good for the Billages.  Autumn had begun marked by leaves changing color and falling from the trees.  Mildred a recent retiree from a life long career at Tech Industries a local factory was writing out her shopping list and events for the day.  Her husband Herman worked at a local elementary school as a custodian for nearly forty years.  The Billages were an old vinegary couple and their lives revolved around their family and work.  In a world of change the Billages found solidity in being a product of the World War 2 Generation.  They had three children that were now adults.  Ken the oldest, was a truck driver that had a quick temper.  He was married to Judith a miserable housewife that made jewelry at home for extra money. On this weekend Ken and Judy were bringing their two boys Phil and Dill over to their grandparent’s house.  Ken and Judy had planned a weekend vacation and Mildred was quick to offer to watch the kids for the weekend.  The Billages also had two daughters,  Amy was a baker in her early 30’s and never married.  She was a cutely petite sort and was self-conscious because she had a lazy eye.  She was introverted un-like her sister Michelle.  Michelle worked as a register clerk at a liquor store and lived with her roommate Anna.  The Billages had “questions” regarding Michelle but they weren’t the cut and run sort of parents.  Late in his career Herman learned to accept his fate and was learning how to “win in the long run.”

“Herman would you throw me down the stairs my keys?  I gotta go to the Beaupre’s for my prescription and then to the Big D’s for grocery shopping.”  Herman was sitting in his reclining chair watching television this Saturday morning munching on peanuts.  Reluctantly he got up and fetched his car keys for his wife.  “Mildred I know that your gonna be speeding all around the city.  You better stop by Merits to fill up my Datsun or I’ll be very angry!  And don’t forget to pick me up a 6 pack of 16 oz Narraganssett cans.  You can stop by the Marquette and take out some money before they close at noon.  I got all my life’s savings in that account so don’t go spending crazy. And what time will you be coming back; I’m bringing the boys down to Cass Park at 1? Mayor Baldelli is giving out free candy again to the kids for Halloween.”  “Well you better tell the boys not to stare too much if the same Elvira is there again.  Last year I couldn’t stop you and the boys from drooling over Elvira and her plentiful cleavage.”  That brought a smile to Herman’s face as he was grinding a morsel of a peanut in between his dentures.  “Oh I remember her, I think that I caught the mayor sneaking a peek too!  I wanted to ask her out for NY Lunch after it was over.”  “I was thinking Moonlight Pizza Herman; maybe you could have bought Elvira a box of popcorn too!  Speaking of which, how about bringing the boys out to Twins Pizza?”  Herman looked at Mildred angrily, “What?” He flailed his arms hopelessly, “I’ll have to pick up some over time to pay for all of your spending.”  “Please Herman, you’re the most frugal person that I know.  Just for that sissy fit, I’m taking out the boys to Josephs restaurant in the morning and I’m renting videos from Haddodo’s!”  “You might as well go on a spending spree at Save Rite and Ames before you bring them to the Roller Kingdom for the day tomorrow.  Sheesh, I shoulda married your sister Eleanor at least she’s reasonable with money!”  “Be my guest, she’s tougher than I am and she snores in her sleep!  She also has restless leg syndrome.  If you want to hear her swishing around her feet all night then she’s your gal.  Alright enough of this, I’ll be back in a couple of hours Mr. Grumpy, gimmie a kiss on the cheek and don’t mess up my make up.”
After that exchange Herman handed over the keys to his wife and Mildred Billage hobbled her way to the Datsun, then began her shopping route.  Mildred had Renauds disease, which in this case was a symptom of another disease.  It caused her extremities to lack blood in her capillaries and turn white, then to frost bite in the cold.  It was a nasty thing to live with but she was a dedicated worker and a stubborn Catholic.  She was determined to live through the worse while making Herman pay just a little for his sins too!  Meanwhile Herman decided to get busy in his tool shed.  He spent a lot of time there especially when Mildred was in one of her moods.  Through the years Herman had become quite a skilled wood worker, partly as a result of “her moods!”  He always thought that the lord worked in mysterious ways even if it was painful to deal with.  He was working on making chairs.  His particular skill was in his routering.  He figured that any old wood worker could construct furniture. Herman felt that etching is where the precision skill and art was.  Outside his garden was already past full bloom and his apples and pears were ripe and ready for the picking.  Though, he did notice some missing.  He knew that a couple boys from down the street would hop his fence and conduct what they called, “The Billage pillage!” It was named after his last name.  Had they taken a lot from his garden he would have done something more than discussing the matter with their mother.  He did hear screaming and crying come from their house after that discussion, and he was satisfied with his consolation prize!  He sat down on his steel framed chair that he refurbished a couple of year’s prior collecting his thoughts before he started his woodshop endeavor.  It was a lounge chair that he grabbed from the rubble of the Saint James Hotel fire down the road across the street from a recently re opened YMCA.  Why someone would allow one of them Woonsocket Sea Hawks out of their cage while falling asleep with a cigarette lit was something beyond Herman’s comprehension.
The Billages lived on Church Street and it was a good neighborhood.  Children would play outside, ride their bikes, and most of the neighbors got along with each other.  During the summer many of the neighbors would have cookouts and gather for family time together.  They were working class but they had class for the most part.  To Herman that was part of the American way of living.  Herman loved to work and didn’t mind being a custodian at a local elementary school.  As a matter of fact, he liked that the school was less than a mile from where he lived and he was content with his work.  What he didn’t like was the mess that he had to clean up recently when two teenagers broke into the school and vandalized a portion of it.  Luckily the dolts were caught when they left a trail of glittery footprints leading up to their house half a block down from the school.  He thought to himself that sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel there were tasty morsels of stupidity, and he savored every little bite!

Herman was excited with bringing his grandsons down to Cass Park this day.  Where he was distant with his children and they took on a life of their own he got along extraordinarily well with his grand children.  Phil was 11 and Dill was 9 and both liked all the same things that Herman liked.  They managed their own paper route with the local Woonsocket Call and were boy scouts.  Herman subscribed to the paper and his only gripe was that he wished that they would deliver the paper in the morning and not the afternoon.  Such is life though he’d often say to himself.  One of the teachers at the school where he worked would usually bring a paper in the morning and let Herman read the paper during lunch break.  He liked the teacher.  This teacher was in love with Hawaii and even showed his vacation slides to his students.  He’d often hear the gossip of the school and that was something that was unique to being a custodian. 

An observation that Herman noted was that while the students and faculty had specific actions, the custodian was the only floating piece in the puzzle.  Sometimes he would float around to different schools in the city when help was needed.  Usually he’d hear childish talk and petty gossip.  At his main school his teacher friend got made fun of because he wore bell-bottoms and butterfly collared shirts to school.  Kids comedy was sometimes classic.  However; one thing concerned him and it was the constant chatter of a deceased teacher.  This particular teacher was accused of a despicable act with a student.  The teacher denied it, but couldn’t stand the shame from the accusation and following gossip so he drove to the Rhode Island coast pulled his shirt over his head and jumped off a cliff into the salty waters drowning himself.  That was the single most unnerving event of Herman’s whole career.  The chatter from the teachers were like individual stabs of hatred that oozed with poison.  Herman wasn’t particularly close to this teacher but he empathized with the person and everyone in the school that was affected by the situation.  He noticed a difference in the children that the teacher taught.  Children might not show it on the surface, but he found that all kids were sensitive to traumatic events in their own way. 

Herman kept to himself and as a custodian that was part of his job.  Teachers are a reputation-oriented lot and accusations such as what was accused, was deadly serious and harmful.  Such is life he said out loud while thinking of this matter, but sometimes such is a bad reality! When he first started his job, he realized that custodians weren’t a very respected lot.  He had accepted his fate, but he didn’t accept being a dolt or being treated like one. Though he lived an ordinary life and was always polite, he built a world of his own in his hobbies and beliefs.  Herman heard the sound of his son’s vehicle and the boys were about to arrive for the weekend.  Judith was the first to get out of the car.  She looked angry and then Ken and the boys got out of the vehicle.  “I want these kids punished this weekend.  They didn’t clean their rooms and Phil called his brother a piece of shit.”  “What?  Why’d he go and do a thing like that?”  Herman asked Judy.  He didn’t want to show it, but he was smiling deep down because he loved a good petty squabble. Judy started to tell Herman the reason for the punishment.  “Well allegedly Phil bullied Dill into making him a sandwich, and allegedly Dill put a bugger in his sandwich and gave him toilet bowl water, but I don’t believe that Dill would go and do a thing like that.”  “Alright enough talk!” Ken interrupted and was getting red in the face.  “Punish them this weekend will you dad?  Judy and I have plans and we have to go.”  That was that, it was solved!  They were punished for the weekend.  Ken and Judy gave their farewell and left Phil and Dill with Herman for the weekend. “Where’s Grams?”  Phil asked to his grandfather.  “She’s shopping.  Come on into the shed with me.  I’m working on making chairs.”  They went into the wood working shed and Herman started to show the kids his unfinished chairs. 
Buggers and toilet bowl water was right up Herman’s alley but he couldn’t let the boys think that fighting is good! “Now what sort of stupidity invaded both of your minds?  Phil why are you bullying your brother into being your butler, and you Dill why buggers and toilet bowl water? If you both tell me the truth and give me good answers you won’t be punished and we’ll have a fun time this weekend.  There will be no words to Grams, but only if you give me a truthful answer.”  Herman stood there in silence waiting for the boys to start talking.  Phil started first.  “I wanted a sandwich and I was playing a video game.  I make Dill do all sorts of things.”  “So you’re a bully?  How about I kick your ass and make you kiss my shoes, how would that make you feel?”  Herman said as he gave his grandson a stern eye-to-eye look.  Phil looked away and got teary eyed.  He didn’t like to get into trouble, but he felt a stab of guilt because he cared when his grandfather corrected him.  Especially when he knew he was wrong.  “So are you going to continue to be a bully to your brother and make me disown you as a grandson?”  Herman lied but said anyway.  “No” was the only word that he had enough will to speak.  “And you- you little pipsqueak bastard” and the boys both couldn’t help but giggle “don’t laugh it’s not funny!” Herman quickly picked up a broom and shook it.  “What in the world would make you think of doing something so sick as putting a bugger in your brothers sandwich and giving him toilet bowl water?”  For some reason Herman was rather entertained with something so disgustingly creative but he held a stern posture.  Dill was nervous and started to speak. “I don’t like being bullied and he does it all the time.  So I put a bugger in his sandwich and gave him toilet bowl water and you know what he didn’t even know it until he saw me laughing.  Then he said what are you laughing at, what’d you do? Then I told him and he punched me in my kidneys until I peed myself.  He was calling it “Operation Piss pants” Mom only heard the swearing part.”  Herman tried hard to be serious, but how could he be mad with something as golden as that?  “Then there’s that time with the Asian kid.”  Dill commented. “What time with what kid.” Herman looked to Phil suspiciously.  Phil got red in the face and looked meanly to Dill.  Dill started to talk anyway. “Last year we were walking with Phil’s friend Ed and there was some Asian kid Phil’s age running around outside in his underwear without shoes during a snow storm.  “I asked him why he was outside without clothes.  He said that he doesn’t get cold.  So Phil and Ed beat him up and we all buried him in the snow.”  “What happened to him?”  “He got up quickly and was shivering rubbing his hands saying, “So cold, so cold!” 

Herman paused for a moment to think about what he just heard, and then started to speak.  “Now you see Phil all of this could have been avoided if you weren’t such a bully!  And you Dill wipe that smile off of your face, just because your brother is a jerk to you doesn’t give you the right to get revenge in sick ways.  Don’t you know that you could have really hurt that kid in the cold!  So why’d you do it?”  Phil shuffled his feet and scratched his head anxiously while searching for an answer.  “I wanted to see if he would get cold, because he said that he wouldn’t.”  Phil lied.  “Do you get cold in the snow?  What if he had a big brother that would have come out and did the same to you?”  “Well we are still friends, if that matters.”  Phil finalized.  “Well my wisdom fails me on that one. He’s a bigger person than you are for forgiving you, because I wouldn’t have.  My point was that you two are both brothers, when the year’s move on you will realize that you two are all that you have.  So is there anything that you two have to say to each other?” 

The boys were listening and didn’t have the feeling that they were really getting yelled at or there was any impending doom.  Phil started to speak first.  “I might bully Dill but he does stuff too.  He drops his retainer in my drink all the time.”  “And did you do anything to deserve it?”  “I made him make me the drink.”  “Yeah but he doesn’t tell you what he did afterwards.”  Dill said.  “Oh you guys are really fighting in ways that you shouldn’t be. Do your parents know about this? What’d he do afterward?”  Herman liked to know all of the details of the petty squabbling.  “He put me in a headlock and started to give me a wedge.  His friend Ed was over the house and mom and dad wasn’t home.  Him and his friend Ed took the back of a hammer stood on a chair poked holes in my underwear with the hammer and gave me a super wedge.  I was lifted off of the ground and they kept it there till my underwear ripped off.  They were making jokes about fishing for kiva in the Blackstone river but that the waters were polluted.”  Herman couldn’t help but to laugh and quickly put a mean face on.  “Did it hurt Dill?”  “At first it did but not really, I was dangling in the air for a little while.  I was scared and it hurt when I hit the ground when my underwear ripped off.  I started to cry and they were laughing at me holding up the underwear band and pointing in my face and yelling “quaaank, quaaank, quaaank!”  Mom and Dad fight all the time and we usually fight right after them.  I only get in trouble when I tell and get beat up, so I don’t say anything.”  “I’m not liking what I’m hearing.  Let me tell you something.  I want the truth from you two at all times.  If I ever hear that either of you fight like enemies or have friends help I swear to god I will put my foot so far up both of your asses that you’ll have to go to the doctors and they’ll think it grew there. Am I making myself clear?”  Both of the boys said yes. 

Herman felt the need to say some more. “Now if your parents are arguing a lot just know that it’s not your fault, but torturing each other is!  You guys don’t need to feel the need to fight because your parents do and having friends help is unacceptable.  What goes on between them has nothing to do with you.  I hope that both of you know that.But what goes on between you two needs to stop.  Your brothers not enemies and not animals; from what I’m hearing that’s what your acting like.  Sometimes us grown ups forget that what we do effects other people especially our own kids.  Does any of this make any sense or it is too much words?”  Dill questioned first, “But like I said we get in trouble whenever they get into a fight.  And Phil is a jerk.”  “Here’s my solution, I’ll let you both take your bike’s home with you when your parents pick you up tomorrow night.  I’ll talk to them and the both of you can come over here after school gets out and I’ll bring the both of you home and bikes in my truck afterwards.  You don’t have to be here everyday and I’m sure that your grandmother won’t mind.  I can’t promise that she won’t start her Mildred Authoritarianism, but you know your grandmother. Whenever it gets bad at home come on over.  We can work in the woodshop or I can teach you some other fun stuff that you can show off to your scout troop.  But let me say this, if I ever catch word that you two are torturing each other like you have been I will show you a wrath that will make your parents shake in their boots.”

“Dad are you there?”  A distant shout was heard from outside of the shed.  The voice was familiar. It was his daughter Amy.  She was carrying a bag full of freshly baked bread.  “That’s not the bread that you make with too much yeast is it?  I’ve told you that I don’t like it when you ad all of that yeast, it ruins the bread.”  “No, dad I remembered and made you some with less yeast just for you.”  “Hi aunt Amy!” Dill said.  Amy wasn’t too fond of kids, even if they were family.  She did her best to say hi then brushed them off like they were strangers.  “ Where’s mom?  I told her that I would be here so that we could go shopping together.”  “She already left.”  “She did?” “Yup she didn’t even mention that you were going to be here.  She was going shopping at Big D’s and then to a few other places.”  “Oh, well I’m not going there.  They don’t like me there!”  “Well that’s where she is.  I don’t know what to tell you.  Me and the boys are busy unless you have to talk about something else.”  Amy started to make a scene in her own way, “Well you can tell mom that I’m not talking to her unless she calls and apologizes for standing me up today.  Next time I bring bread I wont promise that it will be the way you like it.”  Amy stumbled as she made her way to her car and sped off in her best attempt to be seriously angry.
“I’m surprised that Mildred left without aunt Amy, I wonder what happened!  What do you think of that?”  Herman asked the boys.  “I can’t tell where’s she’s looking when I talk to her.”  Dill said.  “She doesn’t like us anyway.” Phil said.  “It’s not you two, she just doesn’t like kids at all.  She gets along really well with the church parishioners and the elderly, but when you ad kids into the mix she gets crabby.  She has a boyfriend now though.”  The boys started laughing and making jokes about the kind of guy that would date her.  “Don’t laugh!”  Though Herman was laughing too.  “Here’s what I know and don’t tell anyone.  She’s dating a guy named Obie that got kicked out of seminary school for what he called a political reason, but I heard that he had a drinking problem.  For years he wanted to be a Franciscan Monk.  He says that he has a problem with his hips and can’t work a normal job.  Luckily he got a job playing the organ at church.  That’s how he met your Aunt Amy.  They are both church musicians.  “Uhf!  Does dad know about it?” Phil asked.  “No I don’t think that he does.  I could just imagine his reaction toward anyone dating Amy.  She seems to like Obie a lot and did you notice the picture of him dangling from her rear view mirror?  Anyway your dad and aunts didn’t exactly get along that well when they were kids.  Amy and Michelle used to pick on him try to sabotage him with girls and you know how they like to gossip.  This isn’t something that I should talk to you boys about right now.  Lets go back to the shed until your grandmother gets home.”

Herman was showing his grandsons the basics of routering and was showing them all of the different bits to use and samples of what each head would produce.  He was about half way through his routing arsenal when he heard another vehicle arrive and this time it was his daughter Michelle.  “Dad are you in the shed?”  He heard the shouting.  Phil ran out of the shed to greet his aunt Michelle.  They got along very well.  She was carrying a bag full of liquor bottles.  Considering that the Billages weren’t exceptionally heavy drinkers it seemed odd that she would bring these bottles.  “Hey Michelle, you got a hair cut it’s really short this time.”  “Dad you don’t like it?  I was told that it was in style.  My friend Anna cut it for me, it makes me look young.I brought you a couple of bottles of wine, scotch, and vodka.”  “Are you alright Michelle?” Herman asked while heightening the pitch of his voice slightly.  “You know that your mother and I don’t drink.  I mean we will keep the Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, and Merlot but that hard liquor I don’t want.”  “That’s fine my friends Marie, Anna and I will have a party.”  “Have a blast!  To me, all that hard liquor is a waste and only leads to worse things.  For future reference, don’t bring hard liquor here, if your mom see that she’ll freak!”  The boys walked back to the woodshed during this discussion, but soon walked outside to talk to their aunt. 

“Aunt Michelle your hair is really short.” Phil was the first to say.  “Don’t you like it?”  “It makes you look like a boy aunt Michelle.  But you are still my favorite aunt!”  “Gee thanks Phil but considering that Amy is my competition I’m not sure that’s a compliment.”  Dill butted into the conversation. “Aunt Amy already stopped by here, her and Grandpa were talking.  She was mean to us and she has a picture of her new boyfriend dangling from her rear view mirror in her car.”  Michelle laughed.  “She’s mean to everyone, at least she tries to be.  But she does seem to be overly giddy about her boyfriend Obie.  I’m surprised that she doesn’t drive with one of her cats in her car too.”  “How’d you know that she does that?”  Phil asked his aunt.  “The last time she went to my house she brought over her calico cat.  It’s supposed to be de-clawed but the thing is still really mean. And all she talks about is how her church organ playing boyfriend is the best thing that ever happened to her.”  “Aunt Michelle she brought a bunch of bread over, if you want any!”  “Do you mean the bread with too much yeast Dill?”  “That’s what Grandpa said, but she said that she put less yeast in it this time.”  “Well I’ll be over for Sunday dinner anyway so I wont take any, but thank you for the offer.  Alright boys give me a kiss goodbye, I got to go.”  With that Michelle said her good byes took her bottles of vodka and scotch and drove off. 
“Well boys what do you think of that one?”  “I think that she’s funny.” Phil said.  “I think that she lies a lot but I like her stories.” Dill said.  “I think that you’re both right, and some times she hurts people intentionally, but the good thing is that she likes the both of you.  Now lets go back into the shed.” Herman led the way back to restart their wood working lessons.  Herman was showing the boys how to router the back of the chair and how to use a pre made template to etch a design.  He allowed his grandsons to try it out themselves.  “You both catch on quickly.  Thank god that you both don’t have the same kind of clumsiness as your father.”  Some time had passed and they were making good progress with the wood crafting.  A horn was beeping outside and it was Mildred letting Herman know that she needed help with the groceries. 

“While you were gone, both Michelle and Amy stopped over.  There’s some bread inside for tomorrow’s dinner and Michelle brought over a couple bottles of wine.  I think that you should call up Amy, she was upset that you went shopping without her.”  “Upset! What?  She was the one that kept complaining about how she was tired, and then how she had no money, and then how she had to go and watch her precious little boyfriend Obie go and play the church organ! Please, give me a break!  If she wants to cry I’ll give her something to cry about, now don’t get me started.”  Mildred immediately changed her tune when she saw her grandsons.  “Now there is the sunshine of my day.  How are you two?”  Herman and the boys grabbed the groceries and started to walk inside.  Mildred hobbled along with them.  Phil started to talk, “I got another badge in boy scouts.”  “I got mostly A’s on my report card.” Dill spoke trying to top his brother.  “That’s good, I’m proud of you both.  I think that you two should go and wash your hands and get ready for your day with your grandfather.”
Shortly after bringing in the groceries and cleaning up themselves they fought over who gets to sit in the front seat of the Datsun before Herman made them both sit in the back seat.  Finally they were starting off on their way to Cass Park.  Herman was on Clinton Street almost reaching Major Video when he noticed that his gas tank was on empty.  “Dammit!”  “What’s wrong?” Phil asked.  “Your grandmother went driving around the city and didn’t put any gas in the car.  I’m gonna stop by Merits and one of you pump the gas in the tank while I go to pay for it.”  Both of the boys took turns pumping the gas and got back in the car and within a short while they were at Cass Park.  Like the past year there was a lot of people at the park but not overbearingly full.  The boys weren’t in costume like they were the prior year and they were all disappointed to notice that Elvira wasn’t at this year’s event.  Herman had brought the bottle of Merlot wine with him as a present for Mayor Baldelli.  They were waiting in the long line to greet the mayor and get candy for the kids.  There were many familiar faces for the school custodian and for Phil and Dill there were a few of their friends from school there.  One of Herman’s close friends stopped by to greet them all,  “How bout a box of popcorn” the old man scruffily said to the boys and shuffled their hair with his noticeably long discolored fingernails.  It was Harry Sherman a retired man whom was busy in local politics as a volunteer.  He stood by his Reliant K vehicle with political bumper stickers covering the back and political buttons and pillows covering the rear window.  Phil and Dill never understood why he’d ask them “How bout a box of popcorn?” and then would laugh right after that.  They’d make fun of him, but he was a good-natured person and volunteered a lot of his time to many local causes.  Herman and Harry talked for a few minutes and Herman said to the boys, “Harry’s gonna let us cut to the front.  See it’s good to have friends.”  They made their way toward the front and when they met the Mayor, Herman handed him the bottle of wine, “Happy Halloween.”  “Hey I’m supposed to be the one handing out candy not getting gifts in return.”  “To tell you the truth, I brought the wine for Elvira that was here last year.  I wanted pitch a tent in the field and have a picnic with her.”  The mayor laughed and smiled,  “You’re a centrist!  So who are these two handsome boys?”  Herman introduced his grandchildren and the mayor handed them candy wished them a good holiday and they were on their way.  “That was quick.”  Herman said and was happy that it was.  “Where are we going now?” Phil asked.  “How about we go to Hadodo’s and rent a movie.” Herman asked his grand children.  “Grandpa, see that guy with the crutches leaning by the pole.” “Yeah I see him, he looks like a bum.”  “That’s 401-765-4321 Crazy Eddie.”  Dill enthusiastically said.  “Who the hell is crazy Eddie?”  “Call up the phone number and listen to his message and you will know.”  “C’mon boys get in the car.”  Herman started up his Datsun and sped off down the road toward Cumberland hill rd and turned in to Delude Ave.  “Were are you going?”  “Leon’s I’m buying some of his 1$ grinders for lunch the coming week.”  Leon’s variety store was a local store with a wood exterior.  He had a small deli cooler section were and a slicer behind the counter where he sold inexpensive sandwiches and other items.  It was a neighborhood store, and he was a local neighborhood business owner who knew most of the people that lived around the area.  “Getting more bald there Leon.”  He rubbed the top of his head.  “That’s why I keep my head shaved” and he smiled.  The kids bought some swedish fish and sour punches, Herman bought a couple of grinders and sodas before they made their way to Hadodo’s.  Before long there were at Hadodo’s a local family owned store and they walked into the store where Margaret was standing behind the register. Aziz Hadodo was restocking the shelves while the Hadodo’s daughters Sarah and Ann Marie were walking around the store.  Phil and Dill walked to the video shelves to look at the movies available.  Dill has a crush on Ann Marie and hid behind one of the shelves to get a look at her while Phil made jokes before pulling Dill to look at the movie “The Warriors”.  Meanwhile Herman was making small talk with Margaret and Aziz who informed him that the last time that he saw his grandkids Phil had come into the store with Dill and made Dill put a Voltron doll under his shirt and run out of the store.  Dill had run nearly to the end of the DMV building when Aziz yelled out for Dill to stop and he did then ran back to give him the toy and then he told him “Now go home and tell your mother what you just did.”  Apparently he never told his parents and Herman was angered to find out this news.  With that new information upon instruction he kept to himself and waited at the counter until the boys went up to the counter with “The Warriors” and “The Beast Master” and that’s when Herman confronted his grandsons.  “What’s this that I hear that you two tried stealing from this store and Aziz caught you in the act?”  Herman looked firm at both of the boys while they shifted their feet and kept their eyes lowered.  “You know in my country if you get caught stealing they would take off a hand.”  Aziz said Herman hid his face to hide his smile.  “I know that you brought it back as soon as you got caught.  Aziz isn’t angry but I am, I don’t like thieving grandsons especially when they are taught right from wrong.”  There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before Herman asked.  “Is there anything that you want to say to Aziz?”  Phil was the first to speak being older and more outspoken.  He was full of angry tears, “I didn’t that we would get caught and I’ve never stolen before.  I’m sorry it’ll never happen again.”  Dill spoke after, “I didn’t want to do it and I was guilty all day for it.  I’m sorry too.”  With that Aziz smiled, “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.  I know that you are good boys and I was surprised that you would do something like that when all you had to do was ask.  I would have worked something out with you.”  After that Aziz took the videos from the boys looked for the video cassettes walked over to the other side of the counter and handed the video’s to Herman.  “No charge, I’m satisfied that they apologized because next week their mother is starting to work here part time as a cashier and if they try anything like that again they will have to deal with her.”  He smiled a wide grin and Herman did too.  After leaving the store the boys were quiet and angry and when they arrived at Twins pizza they stayed in the car while their grandfather ordered the pizzas and waited for them.  All was quiet during the drive home and when they arrived home Mildred set the table and they ate dinner.  “There is no pizza parlor like twins pizza it taste different than the rest and the pieces are square.”  Mildred said as she took a bite out of her mushroom pizza.  Both Phil and Dill ate pepperoni and Herman ate both.  Herman didn’t mention the days events concerning Hadodo’s and the boys finally started to joke again and shortly after began to watch their movies.  The next day arrived with a constant downpour and strong gusty winds.  Mildred left for church early in the morning while the boys got ready to go to Roller Kingdom for the day.  Roller Kingdom was a roller skating and arcade facility.  The boys had their own pair of roller skates and were excited to compete in some of the contests that were held.  They informed Herman of how the skating arena had a DJ where they could request songs and told their grandfather about all of the arcade games.  The last time that Phil and Dill were in a reverse skating only round they were speeding and one of Dill’s friends fell on top of a girl and broke her leg. 
When Mildred arrived home she brought the boys to Roller Kingdom for the afternoon.  Herman helped Mildred prepare for the Sunday meal.  They were expecting Michelle, Judy, Ken, and Amy with her boyfriend.  “How do you think Ken is going to react when he meets Amy’s new boyfriend?” Herman asked his wife while he was setting up the table.  Mildred motioned to Herman while preparing stuffing for the chicken.  “Go get me an onion and grab me the sage.”  She barked  “What’s wrong with you?” Herman asked as he grabbed the ingredients that his wife asked for.  “Now chop up the onion I don’t want to get all clogged up when I’m focused on what I’m doing.”  “Something must have happened at church.”  She stopped what she was doing and held up a butchers knife that she was cutting up carrots with and pointed it in Hermans direction.  “Here’s what makes me angry, I go to the church every week and I give what I can and I am a good catholic and then here comes little miss kitty cat Amy who hasn’t been attending church at all mind you where her darling Obie greets her and the circle of ‘holier than now’s’ surround her in their cocoon and treat her like a princess.”  Mildred faced the cutting board and grabbed a loaf of the bread that Amy brought over.  “She looked to me and then ignored me like I was some kind of stranger.”  Herman kept his head down and chopped up the onion not wanting to be on the receiving end when Mildred was getting in a mood.  “Maybe she was caught up in the excitement.”  “No I know her she was getting back at me for not taking her shopping with me and now she has her high and mighty church organ playing boyfriend.  I hope that he choke’s on her bread during dinner.”  Herman laughed while he handed Mildred the bowl of minced onions and took a slice of the bread.  He held it in his hand and took a bite waving it as he started to talk. “I had a discussion with the boys about them coming over during the weekdays to give their parents a break.”  Mildred stopped what she was doing and looked wide eyed at Herman, “Why? Is there something that I should know about?”  “I wont go into every detail but the kids have been getting into trouble a lot and have been fighting in ways that they shouldn’t.”  “Oh”  “That’s not all of it.”  Mildred squinted her eyes and puckered her lips, “Tell me everything and don’t you leave out any details Herman! I’ll know if your lying so don’t you try and cover things up.”  Herman fearing his wife’s sternness shifted a little and stuttered before he started to explain, “Ken and Judy have been fighting a lot lately and it’s tough on the boys and in turn they have been fighting in slightly funny but sick ways.  Also, when we went to Hadodo’s Aziz told me that Phil had Dill put a toy under his shirt and ran out of the store. Dill gave back the toy when Aziz ran out of the store yelling at them.  They were sorry and were crying about it.”  Mildred interrupted them, “I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”  “They know that they are wrong and believe me Mildred I’m around kids and know how they act.  We both know that the kids aren’t bad but their parents arguing is making them act out and neither Ken or Judy is catching on to how their behavior effects others.  That is why I am having them ride their bikes over here during the week and I’ll bring them home at night.  It’ll be good for them and it will be good for their parents.”  Mildred started to get back to her food prep work.  “Are you sure that you are going to be able to handle that extra responsibility?”  “It’s our duty as grandparents to make sure that our grandkids are raised properly.”  After their conversation Mildred had Herman get her a can of soda and made him peel a bag of potatoes.  She put on a Neil Diamond record and immersed herself into her dinner cooking.

A while later Herman picked up the boys from Roller Kingdom and brought them back to the house to clean up for dinner.  When the guests arrived it was Michelle then Ken and Judy.  They all had their greeting and the kids were happy to have the commotion of the family gathering soaking up the excitement of a filled room.  It was nearing the time for dinner and Amy still had not arrived. Ken and Judy were familiar with Obie from attending holiday church services with their children.  Ken was smug on the subject of his sister having a boyfriend and skeptical that they would get along.  The table was set and food was being placed when Amy arrived with Obie and her calico cat.  That set Mildred off, “Your not bringing your cat in here especially when were about to have our Sunday meal.”  Amy didn’t stop and put her cat on the floor.  For some reason she seemed overconfident while her boyfriend Obie was running his hand over his nose and placing a finger under it like he was about to sneeze.  Ken stood up and handed Obie a tissue and firmly said, “Make sure that you wash your hands before sitting at the table.”  It was an order not a question and those sitting at the table gave an affirmative nod.  Red blotches appeared on Obie’s cheeks but he smiled and showed his two front teeth as a response.  Dinner was served and Amy commented to her boyfriend on how she made that bread.  He grabbed a sliced and said, “It seems kind of hard, I’m not sure if I’ll like it.”  This made Amy smile, “I always make it better than this but my dad complained that it had too much yeast.”  That caused Ken and Judy to cough and Mildred too charge, “Simmer down and lets hold hands and say grace before dinner.” 
After saying grace they served the food and ate their Sunday meal.  Herman began the conversation about how the boys were going to start spending their afternoons after school at their grand parents house and he was tiptoeing around the reasons for it.  He explained that he wanted to spend more quality time with his grandsons and teach them a skill while he still had the youthful energy and wits to do it.  During dinner Amy and Obie stayed to themselves and were playing games and it irritated Mildred.  Amy placed her showl that she had around her neck over her head like she was mother Teresa and this made Michelle angry.  Michelle bunched her fists and butted them together.  “Keep on playing and watch what happens.”  Herman was about to talk but Mildred spoke first.  “You quit playing cutsie and eat your food.” Speaking to Amy she barked then looked to Michelle, “This aint fight time by the swing set, put your guns in your holsters and eat your food.”  Phil and dill covered their faces with their napkins and laughed hysterically.  Faster than thought possible dinner was over and Amy and Michelle washed the dishes while the others lounged and conversed before leaving for the evening.  Before the boys left Phil and dil thanked their grandfather and he pulled them aside, “I didn’t tell on your parents about what’s been going on or about the stealing at Hadodo’s but I do expect to see you boys over here right after school.” 

Finally after a week at work and busy weekend with his grandchildren it was Mildred and Herman both drinking a Narragansett beer sitting on the couch, “Boy am I pooped.”  Mildred said “Me too.”  Herman said as he pulled out the keys from his pocket and placed them on the arm rest kicked off his shoes placed his feet on the foot rest while his wife reached out to hold his hand.

Flight

Many years ago I boarded a plane heading for Chicago O’hare airport then to Orange County California.  There wasn’t much thought to flying though I never had been on an airplane previously.  My ex wife helped me to pack my luggage and tied a red ribbon around the handle to provide a noticeable marker to easily identify it in between flights.  We were arguing about nonsensical obstinacies creating standoffishness between us.  A snowstorm was expected the week that I was supposed to leave.  It was a business trip I was excited for the new career prospect.  My wife was excited as well but she held on to a competitive bitterness that I didn’t understand.  She dropped me off at the airport with a measure of melancholy that came to her as I was ready to board my flight.  I felt the weight of her emotion.  To tell you the truth I was in ketosis because I was full of sweaty anxiety and besides coffee I didn’t eat a thing. The flight began and I was surprised with how flimsy the plane seemed.  On a different parallel it reminded me of my old Eurosport Chevrolet after I had gotten into a car accident and used a roll of book tape to make a new window.  There was a slight draft in the plane along with mid-flight turbulence.  The constant hum of wind could be heard I’m not sure if it something to do with cabin pressure or if it was just the way smaller size planes sound flying through storms.  Some of the other people on the plane seemed jittered the captain of the plane apologized for the turbulence.  I had nothing to compare it to and didn’t think much of the flight.

Where there was snow on the ground back at home the temperature was temperate and I noticed considerable amount of homes, trees, and then concrete and brick buildings.  I had heard that Chicago was a pretty city to visit.  History was a subject in school that I took interest in.  I’m a meat cutter by trade any one from my kind of background knows that Chicago was once a center for that industry.  There was vigor to being involved with movement and the excitement of something that is greater than any one individual.  Compared to the airport that I left from Chicago O’Hare airport was vast.  I had some time to spare in between flights needing something to eat.  First I went to the bathroom carrying a leather bound book binder with study material for training.  I didn’t want the bulkiness of lugging around luggage deciding to trust baggage handling to safely deliver my belongings.  For the reason of sanitation I was glad that I had an empty stomach going to the bathroom in one of the stalls I accidentally dropped the leather bound case on the ground quickly picking it up washing my hands making my way to the food court.  I decided to eat Chinese food grabbing a pair of chop sticks then began to eat.  For some reason I smelled something distinct that resembled feces.  I couldn’t place the origin of it then began to look.  When I had dropped my leather bookbinder it fell on the ground apparently where someone had missed the toilet bowl.  It was my luck making sure that I would never forget my first time on a plane.  The fact of having someone else’s fecal matter on my hands and my book binder turned my stomach.  To this day I can’t imagine a more disturbing occurrence. I had to go and wash the leather bookcase and the bits of fecal matter on my hands. What I did decide to do was share the story with my brother and wife.  While my wife was mortified my brother was ecstatic promising to tell as many people that he could.  For that reason I had to laugh. 

Several hours later I boarded the connecting flight to California.  It was my first time crossing the states in a plane.  Luckily I was able to be seated at a window.  There was someone sitting on the side of me that was a rough sort.  He seemed dirty, drinking a lot of hard liquor during the flight then he fell asleep and started to drool excessively it seemed unreal.  The most remarkable part of flying with a window seat was noticing the difference in geography with the nighttime lights.  I never felt that minute in comparison to the greatness of humanity. Traveling on the road is different than flying.  I’ll tell you the truth I like driving because I’m able to appreciate the scenery a little more closely but if I were writing a story with trying to have a god like perspective the only experiences that could top that are military planes and space flight.  Seeing that I was traveling to enter multi week sales training I wasn’t looking to be a god.  I was nervous studying continuously on the plane trying to master the material that I would later be rigorously tested in a class of other territory managers and higher ups would also be trained.  I was inexperienced in comparison to most of the others in the training class.  It was my goal to compensate my career experience with memorizing as much of the study material including the company processes.  The second flight was smooth and continuous the stewardess on the plane handed out free soda and the person on the side of me gave me theirs.  From there on in the flight was seamless it could have been that I got into study mode.  When the plane descended there was the inertia of the tilting of the wings on the plane and the spectacular view of the mountainous region of Southern California.  Years have passed with a lot of things happening in between.  In retrospect there’s not much of a comparison between myself professionally since I always move forward and I don’t regret upward mobility.  There’s a level of professionalism that I feel that I have reached including personal tact and skill that I didn’t posses at that moment. Since I’m writing about flying I’ll end with this.  I like the experience of flying, the vibrant energy that accompanies the hugeness of a busy airport.  The godlike view of the magnificent creations that remind me of how minute any one person is putting my anxieties into perspective.  The quick change in environment that provides something completely new with a change of energy that I’ve never had the change to experience otherwise.  Are there improvements with the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s of life lingering? “The best at everything” is a joke that an elder gentleman would say when he was asked what he was. That’s the kind of idealism that I aspire to become.  If were a better writer perhaps I would have sold more advertising when I was an AE and maybe I would profit from my current writing.  This particular position that where I was flying to a training class was the only job that I was ever fired from.  Hard work was always something that I prided myself in.  The business world is more complex in different areas of expertise with hard work not being the only path to success along with more paths to failure.  It lead me to believe that the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s of life motivate me to want something greater for myself.

Cut The Fat

The meat bench had a metal backing with thick wooden boards for cutting.  The owner’s father was teaching his apprentice how to tie a roast while he was picking up buckets of leaned out chuck that was chopped for Hamburg.  “When you get out of the cooler I want you to bring me out a boxed chuck and get me a face while your at it.”  “What’s a face?”  The apprentice asked.  “The face is a knuckle that’s what we called it back in the day.”  In a few moments the apprentice brought out the box of chuck and a few cryovaked packages of knuckles and placed them on the bench.  The apprentice took the chuck out of the box leaving the shoulder there heaving it on the bench.  “Use the back of a knife and open them up so you don’t cut into the meat and here take this smock to pick them up and keep the blood in the package.  I don’t want you making a mess.” The apprentice opened up both the chuck and knuckle drying up the loose blood with the smock.  “I’ll show you how to break down the chuck for a chuck roast.”  The old meat cutter pointed to a long tear drop shaped piece of meat on the back of the chuck.  “I start with the jet. It’s the trapezius muscle but we call it the jet.  Remember that everything comes apart in seems.”  He grabbed his boning knife and a knife sharpener, “This is why when I tell you to keep a sharp blade I mean it.  When your breaking down cattle the tip of the knife is very important.” 
The old man took is boning knife in one hand and a small hook in the other hand.  He dug in the hook to the outer layer of fat on the chuck peeling back the tear drop shaped piece of meat. He placed the jet on the bench, “I’ll show you how to take out the gristle in the middle then we can save that for ground sirloin or cube steak.  It’s a very lean piece of meat and that’s what I use it for.” 

The old man slid over the chuck to the apprentice.  “I want you to start seeming out the cap of the chuck.  I took out the jet and if you follow the seem you’ll cut a big chunk of straight fat.  To give you an idea of the cattle’s anatomy a boxed chuck is the upper back and shoulder area ending where the ribeye begins, that is why there is a thick layer of fat because they store the fat there to deal with cold temperatures.  Unless were making beef sausage I don’t have a use for it.” 

The apprentice started to cut back the cap of the outer layer of the fatty chuck carving out the solid piece of fat.  “Let me show you a trick when your breaking down the seem use your wrist it’ll show you greater control so you don’t cut into the meat and use the tip of your knife.”  The apprentice peeled off the cap of the chuck.  “Good put that to the side you will lean that out for hamburg.”  The old man fliped over the chuck, “This is the short rib” pointed to a small section where the chuck meets with rib bones.  “Some customers like this for barbequing, it’s a little tough but it’s full of flavor.”  He cut out the short rib section.  “Put a cushion under this and put in a bag in the cooler.”  The apprentice did what he was asked to do walking back to the bench a minute later. 

“Next I’ll show you how to square off the chuck roll into a chuck roast.”  The old man cut off the end of the chuck narrowing it throwing the remains to the pile to be cut up for hamburg.  On the bench was a large lean looking piece of beef that was ready to be tied into a roast.  “This is what will be the chuck roast and after I show you how to tie it I’ll have you put it in a plastic bag then hang it from one of the hooks so the blood can drain.”  The old man and the apprentice started to cut the chunks of fatty cattle back meat into stock for hamburg.  “Lean out the pieces and remember this rule always split the fat with the customer.  Fat is profit in this business but we make our hamburg lean. It’s not like back in the day when meat was expensive customers care about health so we lean our hamburg.”  The old man and the apprentice leaned out and cut up the chuck shoulder for hamburg stock mixing it before putting it in metal tubs for grinding.

The apprentice put the knuckle meat in front of the old meat cutter, “The face comes from the upper thigh area of the cattle. You can make a spoon roast with it but its tough and lean that’s why I make cube steak or stirfry and lean stew meat with it. There’s the thick gristle that is the attaching tendon that is where I start.  The vetran meatcutter started to seem the knuckle into three different pieces of meat.  “The knuckle isn’t an expensive piece of meat so if you screw this up you can always blend it in for ground sirloin.  The apprentice followed suit breaking down the knuckle into three different pieces of meat cutting out the excess fat and gristle.  Then he grabbed a fish bucket separating the meat with pieces of paper and put them in the cooler.  When the apprentice returned to the bench they started to tie the roast.

The Gubernatorial Debate

The political candidates were on the debate stage in preparation for the televised gubernatorial event.  It was a tough year economically for this particular state in addition to the rise of social issue concerns.  The moderator a local television reporter began the introduction.  Outside of the college auditorium where the debate was being held a crowd was protesting outside.  They were voicing their protest with the barring of their independent candidate from all debating events. 

The republican candidate Glen Leyzard began his introduction.  He began by putting his hands together in an open book gesture.  “Today this great state is at a turning point.  The current condition of our state is like a ship in the ocean.  The ship to our future is in turbulent waters.  The sharks and remoras have surrounded this boat waiting for something to eat.  Mutiny has begun the stirrings with those on board looking to pirate others to walk the plank.  The winds have taken sale while the boat is still because of cross currents.  The other candidate will lead you to believe that the only choices are sailing toward shark-infested waters or getting stuck between the rocks ahead.  I’m running for governor because I know how to guide this ship toward the safe and healthy sea. A vote for me is a vote for pulling us together unlike my competitor who wants to pull all of us apart.  My name is Glen Leyzard and I want to be your captain.”  There was a short applause and the moderator then turned to the democratic candidate for governor Ron Lance.  “While I agree that this state is at a turning point I disagree with the direction that the republican candidate wants to take.”  He then took a step off of the podium and walked toward the crowd in the town hall debate style setting.  “Folks it’s not that difficult to see what the problems are.  Were not on a boat we live in the real world.  Go downtown and take a look at the conditions of the road.  Stop at a corner and look at how many people are out of work and not doing much.  Have a coffee at a local diner and talk to the locals and ask them what’s wrong and they’ll tell you.  It’s not that difficult, they want work, they want something to do and to matter.  They want to know that when you elect your officials that they care more than the words that they say about your future.  That’s why I’m running for governor. The leaves at the bottom of the pool might leave the water murky after they are removed but the water isn’t as dirty as the other candidate might lead you to believe.  The filter just needs to be turned on so the water can clear.  Yes there is some pulling involved but it’s not pulling us apart but pulling us together.  The current conditions already have us pulled apart.  I can’t do this alone that’s why I’m asking for your help in making me your next governor.”  Candidate Ron Lance went back to his podium where the crowd gave a greater response.  The moderator was energized with the prospect of an exciting debate.

The moderator began his questioning.  “Lieutenant Governor Lance, during the past four years state run deficits have increased including unfunded pension payments and increased unemployment among other social issue concerns.  Considering that you were the lieutenant governor how will electing you as governor change the direction of the state?” Candidate Lance began his answer  “First I’ll start by saying that the lieutenant governors position doesn’t set policy that the governor and state legislators set in place.  I will bring a different vitality that on a smaller scale I’ve been able to produce.  Next, I want each and every one of you to understand why our state is in the current position that it is in.  On a larger stage the pressures of economic recession have fallen on this state’s shoulders breaking the back and bank of our current expenditures and making the everyday taxpayer’s lives difficult.  Meanwhile our infrastructure has continued to decline.  When elected I plan on working with the congressional officials in order to get the proper federal funding that this state deserves.  I’m also pushing for new sources of energy through wind and solar.  This could create a whole new set of jobs that would come to this state and circulate new life into our economy.”  “Your time is up.”  The moderator informed Democratic candidate Lieutenant Governor Lance.  There wasn’t much a response from the crowd this time. 

“Mayor Leyzard I pose the same question to you.”  “First, I’ll say that I’ll stay on the boat and not go in the water.”  A slight chuckle came from the crowd.  “There are pressures from a greater level but the decisions of this current administration have hurt and not helped us get out of this mess.  I am not for staying on the current course.  Ask yourselves if were all pulling together then why are things so bad?  My answer: it’s the wrong way!  I’ll admit I don’t want to be your best friend.  But do you need me to be?  When elected I want to fight.  I want to cut the waste that has been the albatross around the taxpayer’s neck and hurts economic development for our state.  I’ll talk of overbearing expenditures but I’ll also talk about how our tax base has been hurt from bankruptcies that cause unemployment.  The only thing that the Lieutenant governor will cut is more private sector jobs.  How does that help fund anything but his own constituents.” 

“Ask the mayor how many bankruptcies he caused in his city?” Candidate Lance responded.  The audience murmured.  The moderator began to ask his next question, “Alright Mayor Leyzard what about the accusation that you caused bankruptcies in your city.”  Candidate Leyzard began to respond, “I’ll agree that the percentage of bankruptcies are up in my city, but so are they in just about every other city or town in this state.  The greater point is to ask this question, what is government’s role in the private sector?  If my job were solely to save distressed business and homeowners then we wouldn’t be living in a free market economy, which I believe in.  That is a fundamental difference between me and the other candidate.  Opportunity sometimes unfortunately comes at the expense of others.  Market conditions of a city or state shouldn’t be set by the governmental leaders in charge.”  “But your city does have the highest rate of bankruptcies in the state.” The moderator interjected.  “Again, the duty of the mayor isn’t to moderate the private sector, that’s something that leftists like candidate Lance believes in.  I have however as mayor decreased payroll expenses and balanced the city budget without excessive taxation.  This I believe helps to create a favorable business climate.” “Lieutenant governor your response.” Candidate Lance left the podium again and strolled in front of the podium with his fist clenched and thumb pointed out.  “I agree there is a fundamental disagreement between myself and the other candidate.  I believe that there is a better way then to let a lot of hard working everyday people in this state fail and losing everything that they’ve worked for just because its good for business. I can’t say that’s an ideological stance but I can say that its more responsible, humane, and I believe American.  Folks, I believe that while times may be tough if were willing to compromise and work for it then we can make things better even if in small ways.  That’s why I am willing to work with the federal level and state elected officials to make sure that we receive the proper funding to improve this state’s infrastructure that will create jobs.  I’ll also work on creating a greener cleaner energy environment that will improve the long-term conditions of this state.  I firmly believe that building up our infrastructure with help from the federal level will give this state a greater competitive advantage in a big business environment and for you everyday folk too!”  Candidate Lance walked back to his podium. 

“Mayor Leyzard what is your stance on green forms of energy and infrastructure projects?”  The moderator asked.  “First I want to address something.  I don’t like that some people are failing.  In my opening statement I spoke of sharks in the water that were waiting for people to fall off of the boat.  Symbolically those are the people that like failure.  The problem is that the other candidate and his form of leadership is what’s causing others to mutiny and go overboard in the first place luring the sharks toward our boat.  Take a look at the unfunded pension liability and outrageous state spending.  How can economic development take place in a state that raises business taxes in order to fund its own budget?  In concerns to infrastructure, I support infrastructure projects if there is a process in place for it to pay for itself.  As a republican I believe in the constitution and the 10th amendment.” Candidate Leyzard pulled out a copy of the constitution from his front pocket and held it above his head briefly.  “While I would work with the congressional legislators to receive adequate funding, I would also reserve the right to keep the powers delegated to this state.  Compromise shouldn’t have to come at the expense of our civil liberties or at the edge of federal funding.  My first job is for fiscal solvency of this state and don’t let the negative politics of fear disguise what the real issues are.”  “What about alternative energy?”  The moderator then asked.  “I support exploration of natural gas that this state have vast resources of.  When elected I’ll work to weaken the E.P.A’s political powers that blocks natural gas exploration.”  Candidate Leyzard finished speaking. “I’d like to respond.”  The lieutenant governor commented.  The moderator gestured to candidate Lance with his pen and said “Quickly.” “In my opening statement I talked of taking leaves out of a pool and turning the filter on cleaning the waters.  That’s what green forms of energy is about.  I’d like to walk forward and not fall back.  The EPA was put in place because of polluted environments that created conditions that were more than detrimental to the communities and people surrounding them.  I believe that the EPA is instrumental in ensuring that pollution standards are being followed.  Remember that it was the Republican Nixon presidency that gave the executive order to establish the EPA in the first place.” “Can I respond to this please?” Candidate Leyzard asked the moderator.  “I’ll give you 30 seconds.”  “What the lieutenant governor will fail to tell you is that most of the mills and industries that manufactured here and influenced the creation of the EPA no longer exist in the United States never mind in this state.  From the EPA came other agencies like OSHA and if you were to walk into a distribution or manufacturing center if you can find one.  You will notice a clean and safe working environment that has redundant measures set in place to follow.  The EPA has been used as a political tool to obstruct the development of our natural resources and in our state natural gas.”  “Your response lieutenant governor.”  “Look we’re not talking about a local horse farm dumping its manure over a hill that drains into a small fishing area.  From what I’m hearing the other candidate supports you the average taxpayer loosing your life savings so someone else can make money.” “That’s not what I said.” The lieutenant governor held up a hand, “I listened to you now you listened to me.  Were not chum for the sharks and were not dead on the rocks.”  The crowd cheered.  “I’ll not have the hard working people of this state loose their life savings, drink dirty water, or breathe polluted air.  Unlike you I don’t believe in torture!”  The applause continued. 

The moderator then shifted subjects, “Tonight outside is a crowd protesting for their independent candidate State Senator David-Anthony Jarrods.  He supports investing pension funds into natural gas vehicles for all government vehicles using natural gas that is harvested from this state’s resources for fuel.  On his website he’s set up projections for jobs and tax revenue, and investments funds that could generate great returns for state pensions.  What are your thoughts on his candidacy and his stance on using pension funds for investment on natural gas vehicles and fuel?  Republican Candidate Mayor Leyzard I’ll ask you first.”  “Well I appreciate his enthusiasm but I think that he would chase after Moby dick in a row boat with a spoon and take the tarter sauce with him.”  The crowd chuckled.  “Where I agree with the state senator is in his support of natural gas exploration. I’m severely skeptic and hesitant to comment on using pension funds for any kind of government program.”  “But in an abstract way can you understand how it would generate a return for the pensions and create economy?” The moderator remarked.  “It makes some sense, but I don’t believe that the government has that kind of role in the economy.”  The moderator then turned his attention to the Democratic lieutenant governor, “Any comments on the state senators position Lieutenant governor?”  “Sure, first I would say that I would welcome his presence at the debate.  The state senator has a history of taking extreme stances.  I’ll go out on a limb and say that I’m interested in the possibility of using natural gas for vehicle fuel but I need more information.  In Los Angeles public bussing has converted to this fuel source and it is reported to be 80% cleaner in emissions, but I will never invest our states pensions on it.”  “What about the financial benefits of natural gas fuel for vehicles.”  The moderator questioned the lieutenant governor. “You sound like an ad for the T.Boone Pickens website.  Listen natural gas vehicles is more than a state issue.  Would drilling for natural gas for conversion to vehicle fuel create economy?  Of course it would, that’s common sense!If I were governor and had the possibility to purchase natural gas fueled vehicles for public vehicles I would be interested, but if the gas were drilled in this state the EPA would be by my side at all times.”  “Any response to the lieutenants governors comments Mayor Leyzard?”  “First I will state that this is speculatory, but let me address a greater issue.  There is a fundamental difference between the democratic candidate and myself.  I believe that the private sector is the solution to our problems as where my competitor believes in overregulation and obstructionism.”  The lieutenant governor held up his hand wanting to comment.  Mayor Leyzard continued, “I do agree though that natural gas vehicles is more than a state issue.  Again, in a free market economy if the market would support natural gas and a low price point for the fuel then the market would shift in that direction.  Realizing that this country conducts business in a global environment, as governor I would work to harness some of that global energy to direct that toward our state’s economy.  Why has almost all of this state’s manufacturing already moved overseas?  Is it just all about wage?  That’s something that I will focus on.”  There was a short applause. “Proper precautions and pollution standards isn’t over regulation it’s proper representation.  And the people of this state deserve that along with a governor that will fight for the working class and not against them.” Lieutenant governor Lance responded and slapped the podium while the crowd responded enthusiastically. The moderator started speaking to the camera, the crowd, and then the candidates.  “We are nearing the conclusion of this economy focused debate.  We will now begin the closing remarks starting with you Mayor Leyzard.”  The republican candidate smiled and began his closing remarks.  “I’m running for governor because I believe that I will provide the right kind of leadership to lift this state from its current conditions.  There is a big difference between myself and the other candidate and its not only words.  I believe in cutting government waste along with the red tape of bureaucratic obstructionism that blocks the private sector from creating non-governmental economy.  The other candidate is offering more of the same government based taxpayer funded answers.  That’s the current direction that our boat is heading and look where it has gotten us and ask yourselves, is hitting the rocks or getting eaten by the sharks our only answer?”  Mayor Leyzard held up his pocket-sized constitution,  “This document says no and so do I!  With your help we can guide this state toward clear waters.  I’m asking you to help me to become elected governor of this great state.”  Mayor Leyzard concluded his statement and the crowd gave applause.  The moderator motioned to the Democratic candidate Ron Lance.  “Your closing statement lieutenant governor.”  Candidate Lance unbuttoned the cuffs of his sleeves and rolled them up as he walked from the podium to the crowd.  “Folks, I’m running for governor because I am looking to build a greater future for the people of this state.  I roll up my sleeves because I’m willing to work and fight of the people of this state.”  He held up his fists to show strength.  “There is a difference between me and the other candidate and it is more than his rich upbringing and my poor upbringing, it’s in our leadership philosophy.  I believe in a cleaner greener economy and working to lift up those less fortunate so that they can stand on their own.  The other candidate believes that the only way to grow our states economy is by cutting off the blood supply to the heart of this state and that is you the everyday person.  Ask yourselves, which ship really sails in shark-infested waters. Turning the filter on and cleaning our pool creates a better condition for more than just those swimming on the bottom.  Folks I’m running for governor because I believe that we are greater than our problems.  I’m asking for your vote to be the next governor of this great state because I believe that I am ready and the right person to lead our future.”  That lieutenant governor concluded his statement and walked back to the podium.  “Candidate Lance and Leyzard I want to thank you for agreeing to this televised debate and thanks to you in the crowd and at home for watching.” The crowd gave its final applause.

Frustration

With a paint scraper in hand he chipped off the barnacles that had collected on the bottom his son in laws fishing vessel “The Malta Lee.”  Jan was grumpy!  “The lazy pipsqueak asshole” he muttered to himself.  Well into his retirement years content with spending most of his days on his property with his wife Jan felt the need to remain active.  He was a stubborn sort that believed in hard work and the old fashioned way of things. Several years prior he had a massive heart attack needing open-heart surgery.  After the slow recovery he changed his diet and began to go for walks with his wife.  His daughter Faith and son in law Craig owned a business in a neighboring town part of his need to stay active was so that he didn’t dwell on being sentimental.  He hated getting old seeing the friends that he grew up with barely resembling their younger selves many of them dying along the way.  Sadly it had become the norm to see his relatives only at family funerals.  Jan and wife Joanna lived in Waipahu Hawaii not that far off from the coastline, for those visiting it would seem like a paradise.  On his property there was a barn that used to house farm animals.  When Jan retired he sold all of his animals leaving his barn empty.  Later it was used as a warehouse for the candles and wine that Craig and Faith sold at their retail location Dionysus Refined. 

This day Jan planned on fishing alone on his son in laws boat.  After throwing the paint scraper and the towel that he used to wipe down the outside of the boat he swore to himself that he would never clean up his son in law’s mess again.  Joanna stepped outside to get a look at what her husband was doing.  To her he looked like a child throwing things about while kicking the dirt.  She walked up to the side of him, “What’s got you so angry.”  Jan grabbed the handkerchiefs from his pocket wiping his mouth from the spittle that remained from his last tirade.  “Craig left a goddamned mess of his boat and its leading me to take a shit.”  Joanna held back a smile, “Really?  It didn’t seem to look that bad to me.”  Jan swiped his handkerchiefs in his hand and shook his head, “I would expect that kind of reaction from you Joanna.  You always take their side.” Jan walked over to the remnants of the barnacles that he had scrapped off of the boat, “This is what I’m talking about.”  Joanna walked away from him toward a chicken coop that housed their chickens.  “Where are you going?  That’s just like you to walk away when I’m trying to have a conversation.”  Joanna unlatched the door to the coop and in unison the chickens followed her to where Jan was standing.  The chickens began to eat the barnacles that were on the ground.  She looked to Jan seemingly amused, “What is it that your angry about?” Jan muttered to himself.  “You could have just left it there it’s their boat not yours.”  It wasn’t in Jan’s nature to see a mess and leave it there instead of staying mad he kissed his wife goodbye and left for his fishing adventure.
Jan arrived at the docs he dropped the boat into the water before walking to the bait shop to buy the chum and bait that he needed to fish.  Along the way he picked up a coffee where he bumped into an old high school girlfriend.  It was something that shocked him because he never planned on seeing her again or reliving the long ago heartache.  He was old and so was she and he never forgot how she broke his heart.  The feeling was instant and he grimaced with facing one of his demons.  Wearing a hat he put the brim of it low trying to hide his eyes and go un noticed.  He ordered his coffee along with a sandwich and he left the shop happy that he avoided her.

Jan baited the crab cages preparing them for his fishing trip.  He felt the presence of someone watching him to turn around and see that it was her.  From the looks of it she kept herself in healthy condition.  She was pretty not looking as old as he would expect, though he did noticed that she died her black with dark mascara around her eyes along with black lipstick.  She noticed Jan after he ordered a cup of coffee figuring to follow him to have a conversation.  She held her hands above her head like she was a mermaid.  They made eye contact shaking his head no he tried to power walk out of the boat and down the fishing dock.  Walking behind him was his old high school girlfriend following him while he walked away from son in laws boat.  She wore shorts and tee shirt.  He did his best to keep to himself walking back to his boat after a short walk avoiding her until he stepped on to his boat and put his bait down.  Surprisingly he kept cool, “Gonoroah” he spoke acknowledging her presence.

She held her arms up above her head like she was a mermaid again.  “The siren has come to take me out to sea.”  He grabbed a rope and tied a tight knot around one of the crab cages.“I thought that I would never see you again.”  She told him.  He kept his head down, “What do you want from me I’m an old married man and from the looks of it you’re a old woman that’s trying to be younger than who she is.”  After saying those words she held her hands to her cheeks opening up her mouth.  “My mother always told me to watch out for sea witches.”  “Jan you can’t still be angry what happened between us?”  He remained quiet finishing up his preparation for his fishing trip.  He put the key in the engine starting up the boat.  “If you don’t mind getting off of the boat I’m ready to leave.”  “It’s a nice boat that you own.”  “Its not mine its my son is laws boat.”  Gonoroah took a seat resting her feet on an upturned bucket.  “How about I join you for your fishing expedition?”  “How about not!  I’m a married man and look at me do I look like I’m an attractive eligible bachelor?”  Gonoroah untucked her arms holding them out wide, “What would lead you to believe that I’m looking to attract you to anything?  Or did you forget who dumped who.”  After saying those words Jan grabbed a clam rake and tossed it across the boat, “Now you listen to me, I don’t know what your up to but I’m about to go fishing so get off of my boat.”  “It’s not your boat.”  That’s when Jan grabbed her by the elbow.  She shrugged away his firm grasp “Your taking me fishing with you.”  Gonoroah took a good look at Jan, “Its not like were doing anything wrong.”  “That’s not what my wife would say.”  Gonoroah placed her left hand under her breast smiling to Jan, “besides how would she find out that you went fishing with an old friend unless you told her yourself.”  Jan wasn’t convinced and he didn’t want her on his boat.  “If you don’t get off of my boat so help me god I’ll treat you like a man.”  She laughed, “Good then treat me like a man and lets go fishing.”
Jan felt guilt overwhelm him and he was anxious because he was contently married to his wife.  Seeing his high school girlfriend Gonoroah he felt hurt and bitterness and her presence caused him confusion.  “It’s not a good idea for you to be on my boat I want to have a day of piece and quiet all to myself.”  The motor to the boat was on and Jan went below deck to grab his rubber gloves to ready himself when he needed to pull up the crab cages out of the water.  Gonoroah was quick on her feet she cranked up the anchor to the boat removed the line to the moor and set the boat in motion. 

Below deck Jan had trouble finding his gloves.  He was hoping that when he walked upstairs to the deck that Gonoroah would be gone.  Jan was miserable to start off his day and she was making it worse.  Slightly rocked he held on when he felt the boat go into motion.  Quickly getting his ground he ran upstairs as fast as he could to see that the boat was quickly leaving the docks with Gonoroah behind the wheel.  “What are you doing?” Jan shouted seeing Gonorroah smile and laugh.  Though he was determined to spend the day alone he was smitten with her persistence. He felt the stab of guilt along with the pain of seeing his long lost high school girlfriend. Through her dark make up and dyed hair he saw though that she was still attractive.  She was thin with long black dyed hair along with dark eyes that had this eyeliner around them.  From the look of her figure seeing the outline of her breast it looked like she aged well.  He shook his head “You dont like to listen do you?”  “As a matter of fact I like to think that I can make my own decisions thank you?”  “Thank me for what?  Getting taken hostage?”  “That’s right I remember now Jan the good little church boy that cried his eyes out when I dumped him because he was too religious.”  It was a sore spot for Jan something that he relieved countless times.  He grabbed a bucket and threw it overboard and punched the side of the boat with his fist.  Gonoroah saw that he was serious. 

Rubbing his chaffed fists he kept his distance from Gonoroah while gritting his teeth.  “The miserable bitch” Jan muttered loud enough for Gonoroah to hear his words.  She didn’t fear Jan as a matter of fact she thought that he was about as mad at her as she was at him. About a half of an hour had passed she was quiet sitting in her seat timing herself. For her age she was in good shape she decided to loop the bottom of her tee shirt through the neck of her shirt to make a makeshift-bathing top.  Jan looked the other way, “Get over it Jan!”  Shortly after he began to drop the crab cages with buoy line attached then turned off the engine and dropped anchor.  Through this time he was quiet not feeling the need to acknowledge the presence of Gonoroah.  On the other side of the boat she was paying attention to what Jan was doing she could tell that he was avoiding her.  She wasn’t a naïve woman having been married and divorced twice and widowed once she lived a hardened life having strained relations with her children deciding to stay in Hawaii while her last divorce took her two children to California more than thirty years ago.  Gonoroah walked along the side of Jan as he readied the fishing poles.  She noticed the beginning of the long scar that ran down the middle of Jan’s chest.  He stopped to look at her as he noticed that she was looking at his scar.  Jan was wearing a tropic Hawaiian button up short sleeve shirt.  He had unfastened the top two buttons not paying attention to himself until he noticed her.  He froze and they both made eye contact before she reached forward running her hand along the scar.  Jan shook his head no, “Gonoroah!” “It must have been painful” she said retracting her hand before turning around.  There was tension to their words and movements and they were silent for several moments before Jan handed her a fishing pole.  “I nearly lost my life.” 

Several minutes later they had their lines in the water before Jan handed Gonoroah a glass and a bottle of beer.  “This makes it better though I am more of a wine drinker.”  “Your in luck then!” Jan got up walked below deck opening the wine cabinet that was there and brought up a bottle of Corvina Veronese with a shiny golden string attached to around the top with a little white card.  Jan handed it over to Gonoroah without looking at the card along with a cork screw.  “My son in law owns a wine company.”  She took the bottle reading the index card that gave a brief description of the wine along with “Raven-Black” in quotations.  She liked the description.  After reading the card she uncorked the bottle and poured herself a glass of wine.  They sat side by side for several moments holding their fishing poles with lines in the water.  “Did you live your life the way that you wanted to?” Gonoroah asked.  Jan kept his eyes focused on his fishing line, “Mostly”  “I never meant to…” Gonoroah started to say until Jan put up a hand.  “Don’t apologize for something that happened between us fifty years ago.”  It was quiet for several more minutes.  Both of them reeled in their lines and recast them back into the water.  Gonoroah refilled her glass with wine while Jan grabbed himself another beer.  “How many kids did you have?”  Jan asked surprising even himself that the question came to his lips.  “Two a boy and a girl both of which I rarely speak with. You?”  “Three kids two of them live in Honolulu and my youngest lives not that far from us.  The one that lives close to us owns the company who’s wine you are drinking.”  “You should be proud of yourself as a father.”  He shook his head, “I’m content with myself I’ve lived the kind of life that I don’t regret.”  Gonoroah pulled a pack of cigarettes from her purse.  Jan placed a hand over hers making eye contact with her, “Don’t!”  “I don’t smoke a lot mostly when my nerves tell me to.”  “Don’t kill yourself before your meant to go.”  Gonoroah made a bitter face, “Easy for you to say your happily married with kids that seem to be successful.”  There was a bite on Gonoroah’s line and happened with an abrupt jerk with her line shifting around rapidly.  She was lucky that the pole was secured in its holder because the tug was strong.  It took nearly thirty minutes along with the help from Jan before the fish was reeled in.  “Wahoo” Jan exclaimed “I’m excited too.”  He looked to her, “That’s the kind of fish that you caught.  Some people call it the Ono.”  She looked oddly to Jan.  After unhooking the fish and knocking it on top of the head with a club he weighed it before placing it in a large built in tub taking several bags of ice out of the freezer below deck covering the fish.  “Thirty seven pounds”“That’s a big fish” she replied “Not really for the kind of fish that it is”  Jan washed off his hands and sat back down.  “That was exciting” Gonoroah said her eyes were full of life and her blood was pumping from the excitement.  He had to admit to himself that it felt good to have someone else to fish with.

He opened up a pack of chocolate cracker rods that had grabbed before sitting down.  “Want one?”  “Sure why not?” Gonoroah had recast her line into the water then placed it in its holder.  They were quiet for several moments munching on their snacks.  “What did you do for a career?” Jan asked her breaking the silence.  “What haven’t I done is the question.  I did some modeling when I was young and was pretty.”  Jan nodded his head, “That doesn’t surprise me.  Were you successful?”  “I met a lot of people including my first husband he was a photographer.”  “Seems like you lived the good life.”  “It was for a while but that was the sixties and women had their role and men did what they wanted.”  “That’s not the way that it worked in my life.  I never did what I wanted.  I was raised to have responsibility.”  “Well my first husband wasn’t a church boy!  Anyway he cheated one me with countless women and died of a drug overdose.”  Gonoroah waved her hands angry with saying those last words then reached for a cigarette lighting it before Jan could respond.  “Can’t get away from them can’t you?”  “Get away from what?” She said looking sharply to Jan. He eased his posture, “I was going to say smoking cigarettes but I can see that bad memories were the them that you can’t get away from.”  “Why torture yourself over things that you can’t change right?”  Jan didn’t like having this kind of conversation but he felt the need to offer his opinion.  “ Why abuse yourself because others found it easy to abuse you?”  She fidgeted her fingers.  “After my first husband died I started to drink a lot and that shot my modeling career to hell.  I was a single mother stuck at home and both of my parents had died before we graduated high school.”  “I remember, it must have been hard to cope with.”  “I went on welfare for a few years then I decided to go to nursing school.”  “What happened with that?”  Both of them reeled in their lines rebating their hooks them throwing them back in the water. 

After casting their poles back into the water Jan decided to talk about himself noticing that she lit another cigarette.  “After high school I found a job in the shipping industry and worked a career there.”  “That simple.”  “I like it simple!  I have a barn at home that I leave empty my daughter asks me why, I say because I like that way things are nice when they are empty.”  Gonoroah laughed, “Sometimes it’s the commotion and complications that give life the most meaning.”  “Well, I’ve been married for over forty years and I have three grown children.”  After those words Jan got up to check on the crab cages.  Perhaps it was the day that it was unfortunately there weren’t crabs in the cages.  He realized that Gonoroah was a different person that he was and he didn't feel remorse for that difference.  When he sat back down Gonoroah was reeling in her line.  “I’m impressed.”  She reeled in the fish herself Jan grabbed the line as the fish reached the surface.  “Blue-Spotted Grouper not my favorite fish.”  “I'll take your word for it, I'm here for the fishing but I'll let you keep what I catch..”  “I'll tell you what I’ll unhook the fish and let you put it back in the water.”  Jan grabbed a pair of work gloves.  “Here put these on grab the fish and toss it into the water.”  Gonoroah put on the gloves grabbed the flailing fish and tossed it as hard as she could.  “That was fun” she said taking off the gloves and handing them back to Jan.  

Momentarily they were quietly sitting with their lines cast into the water.  Gonoroah was the first to speak, “I did get my nursing license.”  Gonoroah confided to Jan in return he shook his head, “You should be proud of yourself.”  “I’ll tell you a secret about Nurses.” Jan looked skeptically to Gonoroah her eyes were full of fire a kind of life that he hadn’t seen in her up until this point.  “Nurses are a bunch of bitches!”  Gonoroah’s secret made Jan laugh and it seemed to break the tension between them.  “Why would you say a thing like that?”  “Don’t get me wrong us nurses save lives, wipe asses, take hell, follow orders, and at times get overworked like horses in a race but are they the biggest bunch of bitches that ever existed on god’s green earth.”  “You must be talking about yourself.”  “Sometimes! I do have to admit to myself though I’m a nurse educator and worked in a supervisory role for a long time I tend to have the need to be hands on and I have heard just about every excuse in the book.  I thought that when I was a model that people couldn’t possibly be more temperamental.”  Jan crossed his arms disagreeing with her, “The nurses that treated me were like godsends from heaven.”  Gonoroah wagged a finger at Jan, “Don’t get me wrong we love our patients for the most part and there are some that make you laugh till you cry and others cry without laughter.”  “It seems like you like you career choice”  They were quiet again after those last words Gonoroah lit another cigarette and tears streamed down her cheeks.  Jan was never the most comfortable around emotions.  He clammed up like a schoolboy on his first day of school not sure how to respond. 

He began by clearing his throat, “I’ll tell you this much. I worked in the shipping industry for a long time and there were a lot of people that came and went some worked there nearly as long as I did.  There were a few that I spent more time around then I did my wife and while we worked we were like brothers.  Many of our wives had kids at the same time.  I hate to admit it but on my last day when I walked to my car tears were streaming down my face and it was partly because of the work but mostly because I knew that I would never see those few that became like a second family to me ever again.”  Gonoroah related to Jan’s words of comfort, “It’s the work that keeps me going because god knows that I don’t have the personal things in my life to fill up my spare time.”  Jan felt compassion sitting on the side of his old high school girlfriend.  He placed a hand over hers knowing that for him that was a bold move.  She wiped her cheeks then tapped the top of Jans hand, “thanks for caring.”  With that he retracted his hand and started to laugh.  Gonoroah took out the band that held her hair in a ponytail waving her hand through her hair.  Jan looked the other way feeling guilty looking at another woman.  He admitted to himself that he had a soft spot for her.  She stood in front of him, “What do you think about going for a swim?”  “What?”  He responded turning his head standing up “I’ll be honest with you Gonoroah I don’t think that it’s a good idea for you to be swimming in the water and it’s not that I don’t think that you can’t swim.”  She reached for his hand, “I read about what happened.”  “What are you talking!”  She cut him off quickly, “Your daughter drowned.”  Jan sat back down it was something that he tried hard not to think of.  Grace was Faith’s twin sister she drowned after slipping on a rock falling into the water.  It was a part of the beach that he brought his daughters to that was full of rocks and dangerous tides.  He felt comfortable with keeping his daughters safe and one day when he allowed his daughters to walk ahead of him Grace leading the way she slipped on a piece of sea weed falling into the water where there was a rapid eddy.  They never recovered her body.  He became quiet looking the other way.  “I think that we should head back.  Be thankful that you caught a couple of good fish.”  Gonoroah didn’t like that response she stood in front of Jan looking down to him.  She was quite authoritative placing a finger under his chin pointing lifting it until they made eye contact.  “It’s not easy losing someone that you love especially a child, the hardest part is coming to terms with yourself without taking all the blame.  Unfortunately for me death is a part of a nurse’s life.  Death of patients isn’t the death of a child but there were some that broke me down like I never thought possible.”  She refocused herself speaking strongly, “My point is that you shouldn’t want to end our day fishing because I brought up something that hurts.  In case you haven’t noticed that is what we have been doing most of our time while not catching fish.”  Jan noticed that Gonoroah had caught another one, “You’re the one catching the fish.”Gonoroah decided to not reel in the fish taking off her top smiling at Jan then jumping in the water.He shook his head in astonished disbelief because she held up well.

She swam in the water while Jan reeled in the line.  The water was temperate and the sun shining down as if god approved of the time that they were spending fishing together.  Gonoroah circled the boat then grabbed the rail on the side of the boat and climbed back in.  Jan was sitting after unhooking the fish holding up a towel looking the other way. She grabbed the towel standing in front of Jan blocking his view so that he couldn’t look away.  He tried not to but he smiled.  “Not bad for an old lady?”  “I aint saying a word.”  She grabbed her top and put it back on before sitting on the side of him.  Gonoroah refilled her glass with wine, “I needed a swim you know the water is refreshing.”  “I believe you but I prefer just to fish and stay dry.”  “I had them worked on last year.”  “What are you talking about”  “Them!”  She looked down.  “I didn’t have implants just tightened and lifted.” “Are you expecting a reaction from me?  I’m an old married man what do you want?”  She looked seriously at him, “Nothing?”  “What do you mean nothing?”  “Forget it I’m guessing that you never learned how to give compliments.”  He took a sip of beer then shrugged his shoulders remaining quiet.  She was quiet as well.  It remained that way for some time.  In some ways she was relieved not that she would have regretted herself but she felt relieved that Jan had enough respect to hold his own self standards. “You know most men would have wanted to do something.”  Gonoroah said somewhat defensively.  He looked to her raising an eyebrow, “Wanting and acting on the want are two different things.”  His hand shook a little and she noticed it.  Responding quickly she reached forward and held his hand.  Surprisingly he didn’t pull back they were quiet.  “I wasn’t at first but I am glad for this day.” Jan said surprising her. 

A couple of hours later they arrived back at the docs.  Gonoroah helped Jan secure the boat to the moor.  It was fishing season with the plan to keep the Boat in the water throughout the summer.  She put her hair back into a ponytail lifting her arms up again like she was a mermaid.  Jan smiled, “A siren trying to take me out to sea.”  “It’s a good thing that you didn’t go into the water.”  She walked up to him, “So this is it?”  He looked seriously into her eyes they were welling up.  They both recognized the seriousness of their meeting.  “We will probably never see each other again.”  Gonoroah said “I know.” Jan replied she grabbed his arm reached in and gave him a kiss on the lips.  He didn’t pull back.  “Take care of yourself will you?  He said to her.  “You do the same!” She replied and they parted ways.  The drive home for Jan was tougher than he thought it was a day fishing with someone that he hadn’t seen in well over forty years.  She had broken his heart when he was young and full of life and he felt part of that pain become new.  It was the first time that he had seen another woman naked or kiss someone else besides his wife in almost the same amount of time.  He was void of guilt but not of sadness with another final goodbye.  Shortly after he arrived home he unpacked the fish that he had caught surprising Joanna because it was a lot of fish.  After putting away the fish Joanna went inside to make dinner Jan sat on the porch drank a beer thankful that he had a good day.